ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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