I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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