Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
