Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
