i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize