what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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