you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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