gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
