you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
