What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we should paint friendship bongs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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