Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
