"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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