I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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