Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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