and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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