he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
