yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
home. puking in laundry basket.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
