i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
