totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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