I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize