omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ok first of all what the fuck
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
