Quick, to the slutcave!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
