the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
