Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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