If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
