i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
