Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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