I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
