so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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