I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
a search helicopter?!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
