his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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