i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
