I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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