I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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