before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
