dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
