4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
