forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
