apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
