is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
