my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
