I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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