dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
