her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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