Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
