just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
