I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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