I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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