It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
