Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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