I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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