i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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