you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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