if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize