Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
