Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
