I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
