Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
