This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
