Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
