He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
