Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
