I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
