this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
