I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
