Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bring me that man meat
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
