Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
