we have officially mastered the walk of shame
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
