I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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