im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
