Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize