i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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