im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
