I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
