As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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