I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
