yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
