I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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