I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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