The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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