the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
