Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
