i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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