I accidentally burped into my bong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
