im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
where are my eyebrows?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
