Got a toothbrush?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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