first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
