dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize