she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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