I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
